Today was a very hard day, from the start, and didn’t get much better. Below is a timeline of how it all started and when things started to happen. I was at work, my Mom was at work, so she doesn’t normally call me. However, when I saw her phone number, I knew that something had to be wrong, so I answered it at:
8:45 – My mom called me briefly to tell me the Grandma Gardner had collapsed at my Aunt Sheila’s house in Oregon and that the paramedics were there trying to revive her. She asked me to pray that all would be good. I got off the phone and prayed for what I felt I could pray for. I honestly do not remember the exact words of my prayer, but I do remember that I prayed “whatever is right for Grandma and whatever coincides with His will”. Mom did not sound like she was doing well. She was crying pretty hard, and I can’t fully understand the pain as I have never had this happen to my Mom, but I could try.
9:28 – I was back to work, and trying to regroup my thoughts and stay focused. Being alone in the Meridian office at work, is not always easy. When things like this happen, it helps to have someone there to talk to. But the phone rang again, this time my Mom sounded a little bit better. She called to tell me that the paramedics had revived her, but they were on the way to the hospital. I was a little relieved in this process. Still not 100% certain, and I am fully aware that things can change.
After this phone call, Mom sent us a text saying that the medics told Sheila that Grandma had a significant heart attack. This was during Covid-19 pandemic, Aunt Michelle was on her way, and they told Sheila that if she masked up, that she could go in the room with Grandma. But actually found out, they just told Sheila and Michelle that they couldn’t go in, they could come to the hospital, but not go in.
10:37 – my phone rings again at this time from my Mom. I answered the phone, and this time Mom was very emotional again. I knew at this time that something had changed between what happened in previous phone calls and texts between Mom and all us kids. Mom told me that she was now told that on the way to the hospital, they had to resuscitate Grandma several times on the way to the hospital and that they are trying to keep her as long as they can.
This time, I was finding it very hard to focus and stay focused at work. I had called a co-worker, Justin Peterson, and just chatted with him for 45 minutes to an hour. I don’t remember a lot of what we talked about, but I feel like it may have been just memories of my Grandma and about what I / my family knew at the time.
11:19 – I didn’t really know if this call was coming or not. But my phone rang again from my Mom. I love my Mom so much, but this time was news I didn’t want to hear. I was ultimately not prepared to hear this news. Mom called to tell me that Grandma did not make it, and she has now passed away.
I couldn’t stop thinking about Grandma the rest of the day. I stayed at work, because I felt that is where I needed to be. I knew and felt that Grandma wouldn’t want me anywhere else. I knew that if went home that I would just sit there and be depressed all day long and not do anything but cry and so forth. I knew that if I went ahead and stayed at work, that it would be a better day for me. It is correct, that I probably may not have been as productive as I would have been if the above hadn’t happened. But I know that’s where I should have been.